A certain type of Asian person only dates white people. This goes for both Asian women and Asian men. I want to talk about the latter first, from an AA woman’s perspective, since I have personally been deeply hurt by it over and over and am sick of it.
Let’s jump right into this phenomenon in pop culture. Master of None, starring Aziz Ansari, is groundbreaking for a lot of reasons. But one trope that stayed the same as almost every other TV show is how only white women are desirable, complex individuals worth having serious relationships (or serious flings) with–as opposed to Asian women, who are boring and uninteresting. And cheap.
In case you don’t know what I mean, Ansari’s character only dates white women. Sure, he goes on that one internet date with the nameless Asian woman (Some people insist she has a name, but it must’ve been mentioned only off-hand). But she is portrayed as quiet, emotionless, and just uses him as a meal ticket. Cause, you know, she’s a cheap, rude Asian woman.
Few people have called out Ansari and co-creator Alan Yang on their portrayal of the one AA female character in this show not related to either of them. Most people rave about how fresh the show is, how amazing it is to finally see an AA man in the leading role, blah blah we have overcome racism blah blah. Most people ignore the problematic ways they use the few WOC on their show.
I’m calling them out now. That was a shitty thing to do, you giant tools. You keep saying how important it is to represent Asian people on your show, and you willingly screwed this up and threw AA women under the bus. That bit wasn’t even funny or interesting, it could’ve just not been in the show–it portrayed AA women negatively while adding nothing to the show. Yet another reinforcement of the cheap, quiet AA woman stereotype. Thanks, you self-hating losers.
So I’m definitely bitter about this issue, no point in denying it. Coming back to real life, I’ve been frustrated by being completely ignored by men of all colors who don’t think Asian women are worth dating. I don’t really care about the WASPs, etc. since I’m not interested in them either. But it is very painful when AA men ignore me and other AA women, and instead go for white women just because they’re blonde or whatever.
There’s an additional twist. As AA men make strides and achieve achievements, they seek to collect various trophies, like many other men–cars, a nice house, and often, a pretty blonde wife. (I get the impression this happens for many POC men, not just Asians). At this point in my life, I can tell immediately when I meet an AA guy if he’s the kind who only dates white girls–often they’re successful guys who are cool and have nice hair and dress well in a slightly hipsterish way, me being in NYC. And then when I get proven right, they have a super white gf, I cringe a little inside. Even though I already knew. Jill Scott describes this feeling as the wince. I know where she’s coming from and I bet a lot of WOC understand this feeling.
Of course people should date whoever they want. I’m not saying AA men should only date AA women. Obviously that’s not true, you should be with the person you love. But, why shit on AA women or other WOC in the process? If you’ve internalized white supremacy in beauty standards to that extent and don’t want to address it, fine, whatever, you do you. But you don’t have to run around town justifying your “preferences” by putting us down, ranting about how AA women are lame and boring and too shy and quiet and cheap or some other BS reason for not dating us. It’s fine. Don’t date AA women. But don’t insult us. Just leave us alone.