Asian men who only date white women


A certain type of Asian person only dates white people. This goes for both Asian women and Asian men. I want to talk about the latter first, from an AA woman’s perspective, since I have personally been deeply hurt by it over and over and am sick of it.

Let’s jump right into this phenomenon in pop culture. Master of None, starring Aziz Ansari, is groundbreaking for a lot of reasons. But one trope that stayed the same as almost every other TV show is how only white women are desirable, complex individuals worth having serious relationships (or serious flings) with–as opposed to Asian women, who are boring and uninteresting. And cheap.

In case you don’t know what I mean, Ansari’s character only dates white women. Sure, he goes on that one internet date with the nameless Asian woman (Some people insist she has a name, but it must’ve been mentioned only off-hand). But she is portrayed as quiet, emotionless, and just uses him as a meal ticket. Cause, you know, she’s a cheap, rude Asian woman.

Few people have called out Ansari and co-creator Alan Yang on their portrayal of the one AA female character in this show not related to either of them. Most people rave about how fresh the show is, how amazing it is to finally see an AA man in the leading role, blah blah we have overcome racism blah blah. Most people ignore the problematic ways they use the few WOC on their show.

I’m calling them out now. That was a shitty thing to do, you giant tools. You keep saying how important it is to represent Asian people on your show, and you willingly screwed this up and threw AA women under the bus. That bit wasn’t even funny or interesting, it could’ve just not been in the show–it portrayed AA women negatively while adding nothing to the show. Yet another reinforcement of the cheap, quiet AA woman stereotype. Thanks, you self-hating losers.

So I’m definitely bitter about this issue, no point in denying it. Coming back to real life, I’ve been frustrated by being completely ignored by men of all colors who don’t think Asian women are worth dating. I don’t really care about the WASPs, etc. since I’m not interested in them either. But it is very painful when AA men ignore me and other AA women, and instead go for white women just because they’re blonde or whatever.

Internet says they’re broken up but anyway this gal was his irl gf for a while

There’s an additional twist. As AA men make strides and achieve achievements, they seek to collect various trophies, like many other men–cars, a nice house, and often, a pretty blonde wife. (I get the impression this happens for many POC men, not just Asians). At this point in my life, I can tell immediately when I meet an AA guy if he’s the kind who only dates white girls–often they’re successful guys who are cool and have nice hair and dress well in a slightly hipsterish way, me being in NYC. And then when I get proven right, they have a super white gf, I cringe a little inside. Even though I already knew. Jill Scott describes this feeling as the wince. I know where she’s coming from and I bet a lot of WOC understand this feeling.

Of course people should date whoever they want. I’m not saying AA men should only date AA women. Obviously that’s not true, you should be with the person you love. But, why shit on AA women or other WOC in the process? If you’ve internalized white supremacy in beauty standards to that extent and don’t want to address it, fine, whatever, you do you. But you don’t have to run around town justifying your “preferences” by putting us down, ranting about how AA women are lame and boring and too shy and quiet and cheap or some other BS reason for not dating us. It’s fine. Don’t date AA women. But don’t insult us. Just leave us alone.


8 thoughts on “Asian men who only date white women

  1. Yes! There are WoC dealing with many of these same issues. There is a certain class of MoC who have stars in their eyes when it comes to white women (thanks to media brainwashing which no one ever bothers to examine) and justify it by tearing down WoC, instead of examining their biases.

    Aziz may be dealing with his own bitterness as to how he’s been treated by Asian women, (since he has dark skin and maybe it’s an issue for him), and that’s sad, but it’s no excuse for ignoring Asian women when he wants to talk about Asian representation, and then he only represents half of it favorably. The male half.


    1. Thanks for commenting! Yeah, it does seem like this issue is common in many MOC of all colors, sadly.

      The big issue I find with this is that this kind of attitude in MOC often seems to be completely unrelated to how women of their race has actually treated them in the past–in fact, many of these types of MOC have ignored women of their own race (and other WOC) since adolescence. Men of all colors are presumably rejected and treated poorly by white women all the time (probably even more often for MOC than for white men!) and they still go back for more. I don’t see many MOC groaning, “Ugh, white women are so loud” or “White girls are so boring”. They don’t put white women in a monolith, and yet they do with us, often based on minimal real-life interactions but based on widely held preconceptions about WOC.

      My real beef with Ansari and Yang is not that they ignore AA women, it’s that they used that weird portrayal of the AA woman to enforce bad stereotypes about AA women (cheap, awkward, etc), intentionally or not, using the single sort-of romantic interest played by an AA woman. I’d rather he just completely ignore us altogether in that case. It made me wonder if they actually knew any Asian women of their age who weren’t related to them.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t think all Asian men want to date white women, only a few percentage of them. I’m guessing you’re in America , why not give Asia a visit hehe


    1. Ha, of course not all Asian men want to exclusively date white men! But it is common enough that it’s a trend. I have been in Asia aplenty and am from there, it is great for many reasons!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m a white woman who only dates outside her race. I always avoided men who started hated on women of their own race or did the whole comparison trying to say white women were superior. There’s a difference in having a preference and having something against your own race. You won’t find me dissing white males.


    1. Yeah, for sure. In dating I’ve had my fair share of men of all colors who claim they don’t like women of their own race because “they’re all ________” whether it’s they’re too loud or slutty or fat or whatever other feature they decide every single woman of a particular race has. Which is funny since I’m sure if I say “I know, all men of your race are _____”, they’d freak out. I suppose it’s a good filter for crappy men…

      What’s your experience been like? I once went on a date with a black guy who seemed perfectly nice until he brought out his phone to show me a meme of a teenage black boy and his white gf, with text across it saying “When you finally get a white girl”, and then went on and on about his white ex the rest of the date. It must be weird being fetishized like that, which I hadn’t really thought of happening to white women until I realized that many men who aren’t white have a huge creepy thing for white women as a monolith. My white female friends tend to only date white men so I haven’t heard from a perspective like yours. Thanks for commenting!


      1. Most my dating experience has been with Indian and East Asian guys. For the most part I haven’t run into too much. There have been a couple Asian guys who say stuff like Asian girls are materialistic etc.. but most of the guys have not really had strong opinions or never mentioned it.
        Some of the Indian guys (meaning came straight from Indian) have this stereotype about white women being an easy lay.
        My current boyfriend is Burmese l, and with the exception of him having issues with his mom he has never said anything about women of his race.


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